What Is Sexy To Women

How This Idea Came About

What is sexy to women.  What a fun idea to write about.  I came up with this as a topic to write about during a recent conversation I had.  I was having a catch up coffee with a female friend of mine that I used to work with.  She went through a divorce about 5 years ago and got remarried earlier this year in the spring.   She was telling me about their current situation – he still has a house about 3 hours away and lives there Sunday – Thursday then drives to see how every week Friday – Sunday.  His kids are all out of the house and either in college or out on their own, hers are in grades 6-9.  So their lifestyles are very different but it works for them right now.  And then the conversation went on to how her ex-husband has basically fallen off the grid lately and hasn’t seen his kids in over 6 months.  Which made me pipe in that 75% of being a good parent is simply being their for your kids.  Just showing up, that’s it.  Doesn’t really take that tremendous of an effort.  And to which she replied that her new husband was a great stabilizing presence in her kids lives and that was one of many reasons why she fell in love with him.  And then since we are good friends I had to hear some of the reasons why she thinks he is sexy.  And this is how I landed on this topic – what is sexy to women.  Which probably sounds kind of funny coming from a guy but bear in mind I take most of these from my friends point of view.  Plus I thought this may be beneficial to some guys.  So here we go.


Now this isn’t necessarily a strength that is pure brute force although it sounds like a guy who is in good physical condition can certainly get the women to turn heads.  From what I gathered from her this is a kind of quiet strength.  More of self confident in knowing what kind of a person and what he stands for kind of strength.  A guy who knows himself and isn’t afraid to tell other people what he thinks and feels and to push back when someone is stepping on his beliefs.  Plus some of the physical strength sprinkled in.  So as I’ve often preached, get thee to a workout and keep it rolling.


Some of these seem to overlap to some extent but I do get the difference here.  Integrity comes from a person who has their own set of personal values and lives their lives according to them and does not compromise their truest selves.  So if they believe deeply in God then they show this by living their lives in a way that is aligned with that.  Or someone who is passionate about ensuring equal pay for equal work and shows through their actions that they firmly believe in this.  It’s holding true to what that person is inside and not hiding it from the world.  Knowing oneself and what you stand for and doing the right thing according to what is within you.

Being Good In The………Kitchen

You know what’s funny?  I have actually heard this one many times from when I have posted some of my cooking on Instagram or FaceBook or even sometimes at the office.  Or I’ve even heard this numerous times when I have been checking out at the grocery store and a female cashier is ringing me up.  Most of them are surprised that I do the majority of the grocery shopping but then they are SHOCKED when I tell them what dish I am making that night.  I swear from the number of lower jaws that drop you’d think most men don’t know how to boil water for macaroni.  And maybe they don’t, I wouldn’t know.  One of my male good friends is an excellent cook and does most of the cooking in his house.  I don’t do the majority of the cooking in my house but I do make some innovative dishes and am always trying something new.  I find it fun.  Plus if you want to eat fairly clean you have to do your own meal prep.  So come on guys, buy a cookbook and try something out this weekend.  Up your sexy quotient.

Sense of Humor

Come on, I know you’ve heard this one before.  Cuz I know I sure have.  I think a lot of guys get overwhelmed thinking they have to always be cracking a joke and making other people LOL.  But I don’t think that’s necessarily true.  I think it’s more along the lines of being playful and having fun.  I know I am usually the most playful one in my house but then’s just how I’m built.  I can be quiet as well but if you think about the strong guy who many times is sort of the fun glue that keeps the family having a good time for the most part it’s a pretty appealing picture.  Guys can certainly be strategic and strong but the ability to have fun and laugh at yourself is pretty cool.  Having fun in general is certainly the way to live a sunnier life.


Almost every woman I have know finds a guy with ambition to be a big turn on.  I never got the impression it had to be a guy that was shooting to be in the Oval Office someday but a guy that knew what he wanted and did things to move him closer to that destination.  Or a guy with multiple ambitions and goals who achieves them and then moves on to something new.  If you think about the difference of someone you see as a driven individual who consistently works towards something – moving up the corporate ladder, becoming the best father possible, training for and running a marathon, a dude that takes guitar lessons then starts a band, etc., VS someone who does the same thing day after day after day and wastes their lives watching tv or starting at their cell phone, it’s really not much of a contest.  Most of us are attracted to driven individuals.

Looking Good

This one takes a bit of finesse to explain correctly.  So if you say style a lot of guys are like “GROAN”.  But this isn’t about being in style.  It’s about having your own sense of style or what you think looks good and wearing it accordingly.  I tend to favor a relaxed business style at work, nothing too fancy.  Trust me, I shop at Kohl’s mostly.  That being said I’ve developed my own sense of style at work that gets regular compliments even though to me it’s nothing special.  But it is my own defined sense of style.  I purposely don’t buy or wear those sweatshirt/sweater mashup things that all the preppy guys in my office wear.  I don’t wear them because A LOT OF GUYS WEAR THEM.  Conversely on the weekends I have a very relaxed style (as in I have about 20 tank tops!) but it works for me.  Mostly because it’s my owned sense of style. So whatever you choose to wear be self aware enough to wear in a way that looks good on you.

Self Confidence

I saved the best for last.  This is consistently one of the top qualities women find sexy in men.  This can be a bit of a fine line to walk.  Arrogance is not sexy but being self assured is.  I think you can really sum it up best by it being a man who is comfortable in his own skin.  A man who is self aware and knows his strengths as well as his flaws and is fine with it.  A guy who accepts himself for who he is and embraces it.  A dude who knows what he wants and knows how to go get it without being an asshole about it.  He’s working towards what is important to him and does it in a quiet effective way and is a great guy along the way.

Sum Up

This of course is by no means a comprehensive list.  My friend got me started with our conversation and I’ve added several others that have come from other observations, reading material, and conversations.  I also don’t think it’s a requirement to check off every box here.  Take a look at the man in the mirror and see what you think.  If you are looking to attract the attention of a good lady you might consider working on an area or two or come up with your own.  If you do please share your comments and discoveries here.   As usual I am always interested in learning more and hearing others thoughts and opinions.

All my best,

Mat A.






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  1. Loved this page has a lot of great insight and is pretty much right on to where most women would feel. Was very easy to read and interesting. Loved that you got ideas from a friend that’s a girl.The pictures were great made me want to keep reading. Great job wouldn’t mind reading more of what you have.

  2. It’s always interesting to see from a man’s point of view what he thinks us women think is sexy, and let me tell you their usually WRONG thinking all we think about is looks…come on REALLY. But you nailed it right on! Basically everything you say is true except in my book to be a great dad you need to be more than just be there, and show up. You need to play with your kids give advice etc. To me that is the sexiest. Though I’m sure different women have their own top of the list ideas. This page I feel everyone should read it gives a lot of insight to men on what women see in men that they might be surprised about.

  3. Hi Mat,

    Ha ha, so let’s see how I measure up as to my ‘sexiness’ to my wife.

    Strength – Ah, no muscles but strong in principles.
    Integrity – checked -/
    Good in kitchen – Hmmm…I wash up the utensils, does that count?
    Sense of Humor – checked -/
    Ambition – Ahh..needs work
    Looking good – Trying very hard, but hair is thinning!
    Self-confidence -checked-/

    Conclusion? I think I score 75%. Is that good?

    Nice one!


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